That talk in the mirror

When somebody asks you "Who are you" in general you are going to respond superficially in terms of professional and those kinds of external things that you are related to. But yesterday when I watched a video on Iyanla Vanzant youtube's channel where she strongly invented us to think about us I started to rethink in terms of soul, heart and mind.

I thought it would be great to address my goals thinking about “Who Am I” since I realize I am not the same that I used to be because my job doesn’t come first anymore. Now, I’m considering what my values and principles are because once I define them I will be able to allow who will surround me and who I won’t admit. Figuring out my standards will make me get stronger and have focus on things that really matter instead of losing energy trying to match on things I no longer fit.

It takes courage to leave patterns because our mind gets used to what is comfortable. However, I have been wondering over risks to finally assume that I am a grown woman now. So there are many things that I need to experience by myself which I am not saying I don’t need anybody's help. On the other hand, I need to pay the price of freedom to know the depth of me. Whether it will show me weakness or strengths I will value both to rebuild myself to feel fulfilled on my own and not play a character that hides those wounds. Of course it comes for protection for our own good, but hiding my behavior based on somebody's judgment doesn't feel fair.

A friend of mine once comforted me with a beautiful saying. She said “It’s time to take a glass of wine and look at you in the mirror to have a serious conversation with yourself, preferably with no clothes on.” She was encouraging me to say out loud things that anybody knows about me and also see what anybody could see because believe or not our path gave us knowledgment to deal with our darkness.

When I was a little kid pretentiously I thought that I created the World. Understanding what was me and what wasn't, I made my mind thinking I was able to create a place where nobody could hurt me as my father physically did. Later, I realized that I can’t be safe living anyways whether we are talking about a broken leg or a heart in a million pieces. Otherwise, I didn’t actually give up on that idea of parallel worlds because only living awake in reality makes us sad especially when we are tied to fixing all injuries, poverty, hunger or so.

Although, I am moving forward to break the circle of my history honoring what my biological mother couldn’t even experience because life took everything from here. I want to rebuild my memories with affection, aware that I am who I am because a generation of black women that literally had to sacrifice their lives for me.

Despite, my body still feels the ancestral energy. If I close my eyes I can hear the spirituality talking in my ears giving me advices to assistent me whether I should do or leave behind. To experience abundance and success it needs to also understand the feeling of losing and taking because under a capitalist society we are taught that success means gain all the time and we get frustrated once we realize that we have a slight journey which sometimes comes with gain sometimes pain.

Therefore, if you are moving forward, it’s important to do your homework and stop questioning “why” every time your business isn’t on track. Instead, make everything in your power to connect with a deep change that will help you shift your life. Unlike, it brings us anxiety, powerlessness and blocks our souls. I mean, when you have that conversation with yourself in the mirror, make sure you can feel what your eyes can’t see and value the run that you already have behind you.